and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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