I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
