Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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