my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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