You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
