you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
it was like eating out sand paper
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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