she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
