So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
