Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
