i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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