i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
