there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
