My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
