The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
