god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
