why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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