Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
