Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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