i jhust puked up my retainher.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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