we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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