yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
