he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
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He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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