Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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