I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
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