I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
