The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
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I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
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When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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