I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
