gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
