I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dignity is for republicans.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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