Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
