There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
