Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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