Just fell off a train. Bad.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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