So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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