I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
