90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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