i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
