I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
