I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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