is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
