My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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