So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
