i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
