who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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