I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
