and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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