If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
