the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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