I just saw a hot homeless man
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize