he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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