Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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