Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
