what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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