Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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