i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
