hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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