In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
