I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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