listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
