ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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