Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
high people should be assigned attendants
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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