Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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