I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
