Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
