the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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