Plan B is the new Plan A
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
