I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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