so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My ass is underappreciated
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
