Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize