we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
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If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
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She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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