i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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