So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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