If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I am spending my child support on dildos
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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